all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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