Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
