His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
