Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
