Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
