How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize