It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
