dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
