Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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