Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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