somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
