Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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