If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
