it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
