I wish you could order shots online.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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