I haven't been this sober since birth.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
