i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
