He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There r osticjed everywhere
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
