twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
