It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
