So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
