you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
