Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
