Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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