I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
