i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
