I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
