Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
