oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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