I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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