I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You've changed since you got that strap on
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