I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
