I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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