i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
