Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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