Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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