Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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