sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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