Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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