I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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