I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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