Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
