I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
