I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will pee on everything he values.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
