She is in my trunk
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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