Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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