so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
