I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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