I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
