if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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