When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
