ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
