dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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