I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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