Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
