you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
