And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
