I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize