youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
