the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize