He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize