the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
