READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
