Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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