We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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