do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
