conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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