dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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