so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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